September brings more than school supplies and new schedules. For both children and parents, returning to school can bring a mix of excitement, apprehension, uncertainty, and discomfort. These feelings are a normal part of adjusting to change.
As summer winds down, families shift from more relaxed routines into earlier mornings, increased responsibilities, school expectations, extracurricular activities, and changing social demands. Even positive transitions can take time for our minds and bodies to adjust to.
Children may feel uneasy about making friends, meeting a new teacher, schoolwork, separating from caregivers, or simply not knowing exactly what to expect. Parents may experience their own concerns about schedules, their child’s well-being, academic expectations, childcare, and balancing work and family responsibilities.
Rather than seeing this discomfort as a problem to eliminate, it can be helpful to view it as part of a family adjustment process. Feeling unsettled does not necessarily mean something is wrong—it often means something is new.
Why the Back-to-School Transition Can Feel Uncomfortable
We tend to feel more settled when life is predictable. Summer routines often look quite different from the school year, and returning to school requires everyone to recalibrate.
Children may experience apprehension about:
- Friendships and fitting in
- Academic expectations
- New teachers or classrooms
- Separation from caregivers
- Changes in routine
- Extracurricular commitments
Parents may experience concerns about:
- Their child’s emotional well-being
- School performance
- Family schedules and transportation
- Childcare arrangements
- Financial pressures
- Balancing work and home responsibilities
Children are also sensitive to the emotional climate around them. When adults are feeling rushed or overwhelmed, children may pick up on that stress. Supporting the transition therefore means supporting the whole family, not just the child.
Signs Someone May Be Having a Harder Time Adjusting
Discomfort with change doesn’t always look like nervousness. It may show up physically, emotionally, or behaviourally.
In children:
- Stomach aches or headaches
- Difficulty sleeping
- Irritability
- Increased need for reassurance
- Difficulty separating
- Avoidance of school-related activities
- Trouble concentratingChanges in appetite
In parents:
- Feeling overwhelmed or rushed
- Increased concern about everyday logistics
- Irritability
- Trouble sleeping or focusing
- Frequently anticipating what might go wrong
Some of these responses are common during periods of change and often settle as routines become familiar.
Helping Your Child Through the Transition
1. Normalize Some Discomfort
Children benefit from knowing they don’t have to feel completely comfortable before moving forward.
Try saying:
“It makes sense to feel a little unsure. New things can feel uncomfortable until they become more familiar.”
2. Rebuild Predictability
Gradually return to school-year bedtimes, wake-up times, meals, morning routines, and screen limits. Familiar rhythms can help the body and mind adjust.
3. Focus on What Is Known
When children are focused on “what if,” gently bring attention back to what they already know—their teacher’s name, school schedule, familiar friends, classroom, activities, or favourite subjects.
4. Encourage Small, Brave Steps
Confidence often develops after we do something uncomfortable, not before.
Notice efforts such as attending orientation, entering school independently, speaking with a classmate, or asking a teacher for help.
5. Stay Curious
Instead of immediately trying to fix discomfort, ask:
“What are you looking forward to?”
“What feels a little uncomfortable right now?”
“What would help make tomorrow feel more manageable?”
Listening communicates that difficult feelings can be handled together.
Supporting Yourself as a Parent
Parents are adjusting too. You may miss the pace of summer, feel apprehensive about how your child will manage, or feel overwhelmed by returning responsibilities.
Focus on what you can control: prepare what you can ahead of time, create predictable routines, leave some breathing room in the schedule, and recognize that not every difficulty needs an immediate solution.
Children also learn from watching adults navigate change. When they see you acknowledge discomfort, stay flexible, and continue moving forward, they learn that uncomfortable feelings are manageable rather than something to fear or avoid.
Aim for Connection, Not a Perfect Transition
Returning to school is a significant shift in routine, expectations, relationships, and responsibilities. Some apprehension, resistance, excitement, or discomfort is to be expected. The goal isn’t to remove every uncomfortable feeling. It is to help children—and ourselves—develop confidence that we can experience those feelings and still move forward.
This September, rather than aiming for a perfectly smooth transition, aim for a connected and flexible one. Predictability, patience, reassurance, and small moments of connection can make a meaningful difference. If distress becomes persistent or begins significantly interfering with school attendance, sleep, daily functioning, or family life, additional support from a mental health professional may be helpful.
Reviewed and edited by Tracy Spear MSW, RSW, Psychotherapist at Finding Solutions Together.
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