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When Every Decision Feels Overwhelming
We all face moments when a decision weighs heavily on us—whether it’s leaving a job, setting a boundary, or choosing what direction to take in life. Maybe you’ve asked yourself: What if I make the wrong choice? What if I disappointment someone?
In these moments, it’s easy to spiral into indecision, overwhelm, or self-doubt. But here’s a powerful truth: when you lead with your values, your decisions become clearer—not always easier, but more aligned.
This post is here to support you through life’s challenging choices. We’ll explore how to answer the question, “What are my values?” and how those answers can help you make the right choices—for you.
What Makes Decisions So Difficult?
If you’ve been feeling stuck or conflicted, know that you’re not alone. Tough decisions often feel so hard because:
· There’s no guaranteed outcome
· We fear disappointing others
· We’re torn between comfort and growth
· We’ve been taught to disconnect from our needs or instincts
· The stakes feel really high
When fear, guilt, or external expectations cloud our thinking, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most. That’s why values—our deeply held beliefs about what truly matters—can be such powerful anchors.
What Are Values, and Why Do They Matter?
Values are the beliefs that guide your behavior, shape your goals, and give life meaning. They’re different from emotions or preferences—they’re the core themes that make something feel right to you.
Common examples of personal values include:
· Honesty
· Compassion
· Security
· Freedom
· Connection
· Growth
· Creativity
· Justice
· Faith
· Family
· Balance
Unlike goals (which you can complete), values are ongoing—you live them. They can help you make decisions that feel aligned, even if the outcome is uncertain.
For example: If “authenticity” is a core value, staying in a job where you feel like you’re constantly pretending may feel emotionally draining, even if the job is “stable.”
How to Identify Your Personal Values
If you’re unsure what your values are, that’s okay. Many people have never been asked to reflect on this. But tuning into your values is one of the most powerful ways to get unstuck.
Here are a few ways to begin:
1. Reflect on Meaningful Moments
Think back to times when you felt proud, at peace, or truly yourself. What values were you honoring in those moments?
“I felt most alive when I was helping my friend through a hard time.” → Value: Compassion or Loyalty
2. Notice When Something Feels “Off”
Feeling resentful or out of place can be a clue that your values are being compromised and boundaries pushed.
“I hate how I have to lie to my family for my partner.” → Value: Family or Integrity
3. Ask Yourself: What Really Matters to Me?
Sometimes, even journaling on this question can help reveal the answer. You might write:
· “I want to be someone who…”
· “It’s important to me that…”
· “At the end of the day, I care about…”
You can also find values clarification exercises in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)—an evidence-based therapeutic approach that emphasizes living in alignment with your values (Hayes et al., 2012).
Letting Values Guide Your Toughest Decisions
Once you have a clearer picture of your values, you can use them as a compass when you’re facing a difficult choice.
Here’s how:
Step 1: Clarify the Decision
Write it out. What exactly are you deciding between? What’s at stake emotionally, practically, relationally?
Step 2: Name the Values at Play
Which values are being honoured or compromised in each option? Try listing 2–3 values for each path.
Example: Should I speak up about a concern at work?
· Option A: Stay silent → Values preserved: Security, Harmony
· Option B: Speak up → Values preserved: Integrity, Advocacy
Step 3: Ask, “Which Decision Aligns with Who I Want to Be?”
There’s often no perfect answer—but which option lets you move in the direction of the kind of person you want to be, even if it’s uncomfortable?
“Courage is not the absence of fear—it’s taking action despite it.”- Nelson Manela
When you make decisions based on your values—not just emotions, fear, or pressure—you’re more likely to feel grounded and resilient, no matter the outcome.
What If I’m Still Afraid of Making the Wrong Choice?
Fear of regret is incredibly common. But research shows that we tend to regret inaction more than action, especially when our actions are value-aligned (Roese & Summerville, 2005).
Plus, no choice guarantees certainty. But a values-based decision guarantees something deeper: integrity.
Even if things don’t unfold perfectly, when your choices come from your values, they become part of your growth—not your shame.
Values in Action: Real-Life Examples
· A parent choosing to shift work hours to be more present at home → honouring Family and Presence
· A survivor of trauma setting a boundary with a loved one → honouring Safety and Self-respect
· A young adult deciding to travel despite others’ opinions → honouring Freedom and Exploration
· A professional leaving a job for a lower-paying, meaningful role → honouring Purpose and Integrity
Each of these decisions involves risk—but when led by values, they also offer a sense of alignment and inner peace.
Tips for Staying Connected to Your Values
1. Revisit your values regularly – Life changes. So might your values. Reflect monthly or quarterly: What’s most important to me right now?
2. Write them down – Keep them visible on your phone, a sticky note, or in your journal.
3. Use values as your inner compass – When stuck, ask: What choice moves me toward my values, even if it’s hard?
4. Practice self-compassion – You’re allowed to be unsure. Let the journey be imperfect. Progress, not perfection.
In the End, You Know More Than You Think
When the path ahead feels unclear, it’s natural to want someone else to tell you what to do. But often, the clearest guide already lives within you.
Your values are your inner north star—not because they promise easy answers, but because they point you back to yourself. To what matters. To what’s true.
If you’re facing a decision that feels heavy, pause. Breathe. Listen inward.
Let your values light the way.
Sometimes trusting yourself, low self esteem or critical inner voices get in the way of value led decision making. Reach out to a therapist if you’re feeling stuck. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.
Reviewed and edited by Nicole Bolotenko RP. (Registered Psychotherapist) at Finding Solutions Together.
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