I’m Not Happy!

A friend of mine describes his life this way:

“My relationship is unpredictable, I have deep personal struggles that have been ignored for years, I’m expecting a child, and none of it makes me happy. I spend my days doing nothing productive—watching TV aimlessly, sleeping, or feeding my addiction with the temptations around me. As for my eating habits? Well, it’s definitely not a balanced diet. I’m lucky if I manage two decent meals a day, otherwise it’s cereal, crackers and cheese, or canned tuna. I try to reflect on my life, but mostly I just move through the seconds, minutes, and hours of each day. If anything reminds me of my past life, it upsets me deeply.”

It’s easy for others to simplistically say, “If you’re not happy, then make a change!” For some of us, it may be easy to judge and assume this person is lazy or immature. Some of his family and friends may have tried for years to offer support, advice, and resources, urging him to seek help. But when it feels like your loved ones are giving up on you, it can make change even harder to pursue.

Nevertheless, change is necessary. This person is not alone—many of us experience times when we’re unhappy with certain, or even all, aspects of our lives. Changing circumstances, people, or situations that contribute to our unhappiness can seem overwhelming, so much so that giving up or avoiding any effort at all might feel like the easier choice.

But what if we focused on changing ourselves? Adjusting our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors can often be the most effective way to bring happiness into our lives. What if we didn’t worry about others, our environment, or external situations, and instead, focused on our own attitudes and actions? The possibilities for positive change and the opportunities that arise can be life-transforming. As we evolve—by shifting our mindset, our approach to situations, and deciding on positive changes we want to make—those around us and our circumstances will naturally begin to shift as well.

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