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Why Our Words Matter
When someone you care about shares that they’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, it can feel overwhelming. Many people freeze, afraid of saying the “wrong thing.” Others rush in with solutions, wanting to fix the pain quickly. The truth is that your words matter. Compassionate listening and supportive responses can really make a difference.
Suicide is a leading cause of death worldwide, yet research shows that open, stigma-free conversations save lives (World Health Organization, 2021). You don’t have to be a professional to help—you just need empathy, patience, and the willingness to listen. Friends, colleagues, and family members can play a role in supporting someone experiencing suicidal thoughts.
This guide will walk you through what to say (and what to avoid) when supporting someone who may be thinking about suicide.
Recognizing the Power of Listening
Before diving into specific phrases, it’s important to understand that listening is more powerful than fixing. A study by Joiner (2005) highlights that suicidal thoughts often emerge from deep feelings of isolation and hopelessness. By offering presence and understanding, you are already counteracting those feelings.
Instead of worrying about “perfect words,” focus on:
- Creating safety through your tone and body language.
- Allowing silence without rushing to fill it.
- Validating their emotions, even if they’re hard to hear.
What to Say to Someone Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts
Here are supportive, evidence-informed phrases that can help someone feel less alone:
- “I’m really glad you told me.”
Why it helps: Sharing suicidal thoughts takes immense courage. This phrase validates their choice to open up and reassures them that you’re a safe person to talk to.
- “That sounds really painful. I can see how much you’re hurting.”
Why it helps: Empathic statements communicate understanding. Research shows validation reduces distress and increases trust (Linehan, 2015).
- “You are not alone in this. I’m here with you.”
Why it helps: Suicidal thinking often comes with intense feelings of isolation. Reminding someone they’re not alone can be grounding.
- “I want to support you in finding care that can really make a difference” or “Would it be okay if I sat with you while you call or text a helpline? I can help you find the number.”
Why it helps: This bridges the gap between listening and encouraging professional support without minimizing their experience. Offering specific, action-based support is more effective than vague offers (“Let me know if you need anything”). It reduces the mental load for someone in crisis.
- Reinforce Hope and Their Worth
“I believe in you, and I believe that things can get better. You deserve to feel supported and safe.”
Why it helps: Hope is a protective factor. Hearing that someone believes in their value can help interrupt suicidal thinking.
What Not to Say (and Why It Can Be Harmful)
Even with best intentions, some phrases can unintentionally cause harm. Here are common pitfalls to avoid:
“You have so much to live for.”
Why not: While meant to be encouraging, it may feel dismissive, as if their pain isn’t valid.
“Other people have it worse.”
Why not: Comparisons minimize suffering and increase shame, which can worsen suicidal thinking (Neimeyer, 2009).
“You’re just looking for attention.”
Why not: This invalidates their pain and may discourage future help-seeking. All expressions of suicidal thoughts deserve care.
“Don’t talk like that.”
Why not: Shutting down conversation can reinforce stigma and silence. It’s far safer to lean in with curiosity and compassion.
Evidence-Based Strategies for Supporting Someone at Risk
Beyond words, your actions matter. Here are evidence-based steps supported by suicide prevention research:
- Ask directly: Studies show asking about suicide does not increase risk; it opens the door for honesty (Dazzi et al., 2014). You can say, “Have you been thinking about suicide?”
- Encourage professional help: Suggest contacting a therapist, doctor, or crisis service.
- Stay present if they’re in immediate crisis: If you believe they’re at risk of acting on their thoughts, call emergency services or a crisis line with them.
- Check back in: Follow up after your conversation. Consistent support reduces risk and builds trust.
Caring for Yourself While Supporting Someone Else
Supporting someone through suicidal thoughts can be emotionally draining. Remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care is not selfish, it’s necessary.
- Set boundaries: Be supportive but know when to involve professionals.
- Seek support for yourself: Talk to a therapist or a trusted confidant about your experience.
- Practice grounding: Techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness can help regulate your own emotions after a tough conversation.
Every Conversation Counts
You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need “perfect” words. What matters most is showing up with empathy, honesty, and the willingness to listen.
Suicide prevention isn’t just the work of professionals, it’s a community effort. Each caring conversation is a step toward hope, healing, and life.
If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out to a trusted therapist or call your local crisis line. In Canada, you can dial or text 988 for immediate support.
If this post resonated with you, consider reaching out to one of our therapists for compassionate support. Share this article with someone who may need it. Your words could save a life.
Reviewed and edited by Hannah Packer RP (Registered Psychotherapist) at Finding Solutions Together.
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